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dive into the blue
January 15th, 2007 04:06 pm(no subject)
Mm.. just in case people didn't catch it the first time.

I probably won't be updating this journal any longer.

I moved to ceremony. Can either comment on here or on that journal and I'll be sure to add you. :3

January 8th, 2007 05:52 pm(no subject)
Well I was thinking a lot about it... and I decided to do it.

New journal: ceremony.

If you still want to be friends with me (I love you all, really), comment and I'll add you.

I'm considering whether or not to make it public or friends only...

It's a new start, to a new life.
January 7th, 2007 10:30 pm(no subject)
Talk to me.

Edit: I'm thinking of changing my username... or creating a new journal. What do you all think? :/
January 7th, 2007 09:12 pm - I want to be near you.
I've been getting these urges to RP again... I haven't RP'd in years and I'm probably no good at it anymore. I remember back when I RP'd on AOL I could unleash like... 25 lines of copy. Not sure if I could do that anymore, out of practice. I used to be big into the Final Fantasy VII scene. Had an original character, Seioh, but then later RP'd blonde haired bombshell, Elena.

Then I was big into the Mega-Man series. Along with one of my internet friends and I, we created a duo group. I don't exactly remember what we called ourselves but... I was Golden Isis. When I was really into drawing I think I sketched about 20 drawings of her. That too, faded.

My last serious RP I did was as Cloud (yes, Cloud Strife) in a Kingdom Hearts LJ community. I wasn't really good at him, because it was the first time I've ever played as a male. Was one of the best RP experiences I've had though.

I've been always a dreamer with a big imagination. I think I liked to RP so much because I to release all my imagination out onto paper and live in a fantasy world with another person. Sounds cheesey, doesn't it?

I might get back into it again... but I'm afraid of making a fool of myself in that realm.
January 6th, 2007 08:39 pm - Take it away.
I was doing good with Final Fantasy XII. Currently at the end of Stilshrine of Miriam dungeon at the last boss. I practically one shotted the first boss of this dungeon... but the last one (something that starts with an "M") is giving me trouble. Of course stupid me didn't buy everyone an Ice Shield like I was going to, so only one character has it.

Getting really bored though... everyone on my buddylist is either AFK or off doing God knows what. -_- I'm getting lonely.

My new computer along with World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade expansion need to both be getting here. Two more weeks, just two more weeks.

January 5th, 2007 11:15 pm - All things go.
Forewarning... this is going to be a jumbled mess of raw emotion that I just need to let out on paper.

Do you ever look in the mirror at your reflection and ask yourself "Who is that staring back at me?" I've struggled with who exactly I am for a long time. What defines me as a person, my passion, loves, hates, what drives me, or what have you. In the real world not a lot of people know who I really am. I'm so afraid of what people think about me, I'm afraid of being myself. I'm a girl who loves playing videogames, watching anime, reading manga, doing graphic design, listening to Japanese rock music, etc. If people I knew outside the internet world knew about these hobbies, I'm sure they'd laugh or poke fun at me.

Why am I so worried about what people think about me?

Not just personality wise, but appearance as well. A lot of you probably know I've been also struggling with self confidence issues. To be honest, I'm not sure where my esteem started going down hill... but it has. Maybe it was when all my friends started getting boyfriends and I never did. Or when they started going to dances, kissing, hugging, holding hands, going out on dates, while I sat here at home by myself. I keep thinking to myself "What's wrong with me? Why can't I have that?" So I start pointing out all my faults... I'm not skinny enough, my face is too round, I'm not tan enough, my hair isn't pretty enough, etc. I don't like the fact that I need a guy to tell me I'm beautiful to make me feel beautiful.

People think it's just me trying to get attention, it's not. It's really difficult for me to look at myself and like what I see infront of me.

I know I'm still young (turning 21 next week), but I really want that special someone in my life. I want to be able to do corny things with them... like watching a sunset or sunrise, argue over pety things, hold their hand, finally have my first kiss, hug them, go to a movie, sit on the couch and play a videogame, stay up talking to each other into the wee hours of the morning, do whatever a boy and girl do together. I'm a hopeless romantic and believe love and conquer everything, even great distances. People may find it silly, but I think you can have a successful relationship with someone you know in the internet world. If you truly love and care for this person, you would risk the distance no matter how hard it is. And if the two of you really loved each other, then the relationship would evolve into something more, and the distance wouldn't be a factor anymore.

For me, I find guys I really enjoy talking to who share the same interests with me, over the internet.

It's a new year and I just hope something good will happen to me. I need something, someone, anything or anyone to make me happy. I could really use that right about now...

Rereading this I noticed about 80% of it doesn't make much sense but, I don't have a lot of friends I can just rant to or talk about my emotions with. Sometimes, I hate being an outsider to the world, but would I trade my position just to be an insider? I'm not sure.

Edit: New AIM SN. Iemon (iemon) sorbet. Was getting annoyed not being able to get the ones I wanted so I cheated. -_- Sounds like FFXI.
December 31st, 2006 03:26 pm - Shiny year, wasn't it?
Figured I'd follow the crowd and make a 2006 closure journal entry...

A lot of stuff happened this year.

Graduated college. Fell in love. Had my heard broken and more or less broke up with boyfriend. Got my first graphic design job. Moved out of my parents house and into my own apartment. Bought tons of new stuff for said apartment...

It makes me sad really to think about the whole year. The only thing I'm sad about is the unofficial parting with Matt and I. No words were exchanged, we haven't talked to each other in about two months. Been slowly trying to detach myself from him and move on.

I don't think I'll ever be able to fully get over him though... What's the saying? You never forget about your first love. He was great to me until he hit finals with school. I wonder what'll happen between us in the coming year? Will he come back to me once school is over? Who knows.

...I'd rather not find out.

Couple more weeks till I'm 21, oh joy.

Merry New Years everyone, don't get too drunk off your ass. <3<3

(By the way, not looking forward to listening to drunk college kids outside my apartment until 4 a.m. -_-)
December 27th, 2006 11:21 pm - 01001101101110010
Ordered my computer tonight.

Total Cost? $1,800 and some change.

I can't wait till it gets here.
December 25th, 2006 03:41 pm - It's beginning to look a lot like....
Christmas! Happy Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a good one. :3

Let's see... I got a 19" LCD HD Flatscreen TV for my living room. :Q It's beautiful, let me tell you. Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest DVD, an iDog, some jewelry, giftcards and a bunch of misc. things.

Also... the exciting news. I have a shitty computer. A lot of my friends know this when I'm trying to play an MMORPG with them, I lag like no other. The graphics are always shitty and I can never have like more than one MMORPG installed on this thing at a time. Well. My birthday is coming up and I convinced my parents to help pay for a new computer. The one I want is roughly $1600, and I'm going to be payinf for 3/4 of it. They're going to pay for it all at once, while I pay them back. I'm getting an $800-900 check at the end of the year for my W2 stuff so that'll be nice.

You have no idea how excited I am. Just in time for the World of Warcraft expansion to come out. :3

I'm a geek, I know.
December 18th, 2006 01:47 pm - Down with the sickness.
Stayed home from work today... I didn't fall asleep till about 4 and waking up at 5:30... wasn't going to happen. I was starting to feel feverish and the coughing/sneezing wasn't getting any better, so. x_x I was nervous about calling it because I didn't want them to be mad at me or anything... But Mondays are usually really slow days anyway. ._.

Got sucked back into WoW, but I'm not coming back until the expansion comes out. Starting on a new server with some of my FFXI friends so that should be fun. :3 Going to be rolling a Draenei. Probably a hunter too... I'm excited.

Not much else to update about. ._.
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